Am I truly that selfish and horrific of a daughter incapable of “rehabilitation” as my so-called friend claims?

Question by Jenny: Am I truly that selfish and horrific of a daughter incapable of “rehabilitation” as my so-called friend claims?
A few weeks ago the worship band I belong to was invited by our sister churches in China to spend two weeks in August performing for them in various locations throughout the country. I was extremely excited and immediately said yes without first asking my parents. I’d intended to talk with my dad about it that week, but it was smack in the middle of exams and I was stressed out and he has been working really long hours, and the planning for his wedding at the end of next month has eaten up a lot of his time. I knew it was a major discussion, so I just thought I’d hold off until a more chilled out time. My family is well-traveled, so I knew they wouldn’t be worried about me going abroad, but I’m the only girl and the only minor in a band of really hot guys in their 20s-30s, and even though they are totally like brothers to me and we have platonic relationships, I knew my dad would be hesitant about me taking a trip with them and it would require convincing. In the meantime, the woman organizing the trip needed me to fill out some forms and submit a copy of my passport, and so I did. I received an email today that the tickets had just been bought, so that means that I’m now locked into going since they were bought in bulk and are non-refundable and non-transferable. I completely freaked out. A guy I sometimes IM with wrote to me then and I explained the situation, and even though it has nothing at all to do with him, he completely exploded. He said that I was a selfish, irresponsible child and that my actions were despicable and disgusting, and that he had no respect at all for me. I’ve told him about a few others things that I’ve done in the past, but it’s all pretty typical teenage stuff – nothing major like serious drugs, theft or trouble with the law. I’m a straight-A student, varsity athlete, dedicated volunteer, and for the most part a good kid who just happens to sometimes blow off curfew and do careless, juvenile things, but I’m not a malicious person at all. He said that my dad should be ashamed of me, and that I deserved to “have my butt destroyed” and be grounded. He said that I had no respect for my dad. I actually adore my dad. We’ve been arguing a lot lately and I think he’s far too strict, but I have a tremendous amount of respect for him, and I don’t think occasional teenage rebellion and antics makes him feel like I don’t love him.

The guy said he never wants to talk with me again because he has no respect for me at all, and that I disgust him. Btw, he is a former meth addict, vandal, and thief who flunked out of school, did drugs in his parent’s home, and made up an elaborate story to me about being a schizophrenic / bipolar with a dead sister, and made me completely panic and freak out when he said he was going to drown himself. He’s an adult who feels it’s fine to ask me, a 17 year old, about my sex life and to make fun of me for not being experienced. Just the other day he sent numerous IM’s telling me I had to try sex in a certain position. When I pointed all this out to him and said that it was audacious that he would be so furious with me for something that I hadn’t even done to him and was relatively minor, he snarled back that I always wanted to divert things to him and couldn’t bear to face my own flaws because I was a selfish hog.

Am I truly that awful of a person for what I did?

Best answer:

Answer by Rigo
Wow, you’d think someone with a really troubled past would know more than the average goody-two-shoe Christian to not be a judgmental pr*ck; but I guess I was wrong.

What you did certainly wasn’t brilliant, but that doesn’t make you an awful person in the least. I’d classify someone who made vicious remarks and being judgmental to the point of not even acknowledging someone’s existence on a petty situation to be much more horrid than what you did.

Looks like that whole compassion lesson didn’t kick in his skull.

Answer by kaali
Sounds like this guy has got some serious issues and to say the least HE should be going on some courses such as communication skills and should develop some empathy! Sure, you should have made more of an effort to talk to your dad about the trip before hand BUT im sure dad will come to terms with that. Now i have some xperience with people and drugs (though not meth. tho Crack is bad too) so here we go..I truly think that the drug use has left him with some serious brain trauma..is he really a person to call a friend? i wouldnt- NOT coz hes ex drug user/abuser but coz of his aggressive and inappropri8 behaviour 2wards u! NOTHING gives him the right to ask u any personal questions esp. IM’s like ones u mention. i just hope u never reply! Is there an someone in your worship group u could trust to confide in? then u could discuss whether that person should have words with this man or wether the police should be informed. if it was my daughter i hope she wouldnt try and deal with this herself, he could be highly unpredictable and i really feel it wouldnt be safe to confront him on your own. U know the things he says are untrue, just pretend he doesnt exist,dont feel sorry for him in a wk or 2 distance yourself and make a better friend in your group so u dont feel alone.Just like to point out, i dont think HE should BE in the worship group! Hope this helps 🙂

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